So here’s the thing. I am not a cop-out nor ever will be and I sure as hell don’t blame the world on my problems. I believe everything happens for a reason. I don’t believe in putting yourself back in the same situation and expecting a different outcome. I am broken. I am working my way back to where I want to be. I am and will do me. But here’s the thing. That involves focusing on my career, investing in real estate not just living arrangements, getting back in shape, training my dog, talking to my mom more, quality time with real friends. It doesn’t involve me running around with a guy, trying to get laid, hitting rock bottom, wandering around the streets aimlessly. My rock bottom isn’t the same as it used to be.
The truth is, in any situation…If you won’t get your shit together for yourself, you won’t get it together permanently for anyone. You can’t be scared to be alone. You can’t do what you want when you want to do it. Grow up, get your shit together, and figure out if “doing you” involves what you always do or if you are going to allow yourself to become better.
I’m as upfront, honest, and aware of myself as ever. I never said I was going to roll over and die. I AM figuring out who that person is and who I want it to be. That isn’t a weakness. It is called yearning for life experience. I will go zorbing in New Zealand, visit Ireland, road trip through all 50 states. I will learn to play the piano, quit smoking, and see the Opera.
I’m dealing with my life and getting over it instead of ignoring it. I want to be a good person. Life is about humanity. I want to do good things for people, help them when they can’t help themselves. I am not the most important person in my life nor will I ever be. And I will find someone who isn’t the most important person in their own life.
Relationships are not about one person or yourself. They are about the other person. I’m spiritual, I will always try to find good in the worst person, I will always put everyone else first. I believe in ghosts, good energy, bad energy, the darkness inside of me. I believe in stupid ass spiritual animals. I believe in Native American culture and legends and dream catchers. I believe in being a workaholic. I want my own house and land. I want to be the CEO of a company. I have always believed and wanted these things and much, much more. If you can mock what I believe in and not accept it then you do not accept me. This isn’t on me. This is on you.
Stop making excuses. Grow up. Live the life you want. And if you don’t want a portion of someone else’s then don’t waste their time. Give them the chance to find who they are looking for.
Written by Tammy Lee
June 28, 2016