There is that infamous quote…” I was born in the wrong generation” and I find myself contemplating that often. Most use it to describe their taste in music or expectations from someone else. But what if that was used in reference to your entire being…your entire view on relationships, a household, the interaction of a man and woman? Wouldn’t it be a little more fitting?
If you take the thought that women are inferior to men – No, I don’t believe that – But humor me. So women are inferior to men and with someone who believes that or wants to go on a tangent about how it is not correct, we picture physical actions and gestures that portray this, do we not?
No eye contact
The man having the final say on anything related to his house, home, family, etc. whether his spouse agrees or not.
You picture a timid female washing the dishes or cooking dinner
All of that is bullshit and has ruined the “gender roles” we used to have.
Let’s focus on day-to-day routines, expectations, conversations, relations. We are talking about the opinion that gender roles of what a man should do for their significant other and a woman should do for him are a real need and are being snuffed out by women on power trips trying to say we have never been equal. We have been equal all along if the relationship was healthy.
We don’t all want to meet the same expectations of a man. We don’t all want to be able to do everything a man can do. I don’t want to change my tires, work on my engine, mow the grass or open the jar of freaking pickles on my own. I want to allow him to do it, I want him to feel proud of it as I am proud of him, and I want to find those masculine chores sexy as I watch him. Let the man be a man again. Let the woman restore her femininity. I want to cook and clean and do his laundry and go grocery shopping. I want to be proud when people come over and I’ve made a good meal, that they can see he is taken care of and the house is in order. Let me be a damn woman.
The need for a man to be the leader of the home and relationship (Not any man. One that deserves the responsibility and has the maturity to handle it) and a woman to trust him with all things pertaining to her home and family is a primal instinct. In a healthy, balanced, well-rounded relationship the man should work, have the final decision, be allowed to ask her to wear a favored outfit of his choosing for an event, or limit her drinks in public. Not to control her, to keep her safe and healthy. A woman should work, cook, clean. A man should maintain the cars and cut the grass. A normal, civilized, yet modernized 50s household. Of course those are only examples.
I work around, with, and for a team of mostly men every single day. I tell people what to do, I hold my ground. I am demanding, stubborn, persistent, and fierce. I hold my own and I will go up against anyone to get my point across. When I leave that parking lot I want my feminine side restored. I want the ability to be vulnerable, tired, cared for, and protected. I want to rest the corporate woman. For that to happen it requires to be around someone who is domineering in nature, self-aware, confident, assertive but healthy and considerate. In return, that allows me to be attentive, sympathetic and nurturing. Many confuse that with someone who is controlling, arrogant, narcissistic and manipulative. Too often even a naturally submissive personality such as myself can and does get those traits confused and it ends very badly for our mental and emotional state of being. We take longer to recover. We hold onto that mistake so we can try to avoid it next time but that allows walls to be put immediately up. All it takes is one time of feeling like a fool and the door slams shut with a hollow echo that has no time limit. Can someone pry that door back open? Yes. But it won’t happen in a week, a month…the door won’t be fully open in a year. But it will start to sway.
Women can have structure and protection without men, and men are not hopeless emotionless constructs without women. Even so, there are definite strengths that both have and if you allow the strengths to work to their advantages the relationship as a whole will prosper.
We as a society, have veered too far off the natural order and structure we were meant for. Man and woman, while upholding their duties fully, should have separate duties. With any relationships, the dynamics can fluctuate. For instance, if cooking relaxes and pleases him, he may be the primary chef of the household instead of the woman. But the general basis of hierarchy and routine should be the same. Yes, hierarchy.
I believe it also allows a mutual respect that has long since been forgotten. A genuine depth of loyalty, trust, and consideration for both parties. If you can hold yourself accountable to care for, provide and keep your significant other’s best interest in mind, it leaves little room to be selfish and lose compassion. If I allow myself to incorporate such perspectives in a relationship that means I’ve found someone I can trust and therefore would do anything for them and WANT to do anything for them, from making sure they had their favored drink waiting for them when they got home, to home cooked meals, or thoughtful surprises.
The dynamic wouldn’t and doesn’t work for everyone. I know many women that would be appalled if someone told them what to wear every now and then or counted their drinks at a cocktail party. I also know some men that can barely be responsible for themselves, let alone someone else. However, when two people come together and uphold their own weight in it, it allows a more primal and deeper connection. How it was meant to be.
And all of that ties back into men and women being equal. We can let a man be a man and a woman be a woman without being inferior. If we choose to give that control and trust to someone else, that is exactly what it is. A choice. And we can change our mind at any time if we are no longer being kept safe, healthy, or cared for. It isn’t a power war. It is MUTUAL RESPECT which for so long has not been a mandatory trait for a relationship.
Written by Tammy Lee
August 2, 2016