Proud of…Who do you think you are?

It took me a long time to realize that life is too short. Life is too short to do certain things, worry about certain people, and to let someone else run your life.

I don’t mean physically run your life. Life is too short to let anyone that thinks they are helping you, to influence your life in a way you are not promoting on your own to change. You know why I like strangers? Because they don’t judge you. They have no idea who you are and they haven’t taken it upon themselves to decipher the “real you.”They don’t try to read between the lines and they don’t wait for you to snap of out who you are to become who they think you are.

People ask me all the time why I go places like bars, restaurants, movies, etc. by myself. “Isn’t it awkward?”, they ask. No, no it isn’t. I go by myself to meet new people, to have interesting conversations and to learn about people. I go by myself to get an actual hour of silence where I get to be myself…in my own little bubble…I don’t have to worry about what I look like, what I’m doing, if I’m smoking too much or drinking too fast. I can just sit…I can engage in conversation if I choose to or I can reflect on my day or I can daydream about puppies. But I have the chance to just…unwind.

You know what I hate more than anything…”I’m proud of you” … I’m sorry…Did I just finally meet an expectation that you had for me? Are you my mother? Why are you judging me to the point that you are waiting for me to change to meet an expectation? You had two scenarios in your head, you thought I was going to fail, I didn’t…so now that I met your acceptable outcome, what happens…you can keep me in your life? How about this….Fuck off.

If there is something you don’t like about me and you are waiting for me to change it or stop because well, you just can’t get over it…I’m sorry to tell you this, but we can part ways without hard feelings. I’ve drifted away from more than a handful of people in my life and I won’t shy away from doing it again. That doesn’t mean I hate you or that I even love you less. It just means that we are no longer compatible as friends, acquaintances, significant others, whatever you were at the point to me in my life. People grow apart…it is real thing, it happens. It doesn’t have to be a disastrous ending. It just…happens.

When you meet someone, you are both that current version of yourselves. You probably get along great and see eye to eye on a lot of things. You are in the same place in life with dreams, responsibilities, wants, needs…that is how you met in the first place. People change. Take those same two people and put them through different life circumstances, trauma, judgment, and hardship. Life has used two different molds on these people…can you really expect them to always like each other in end? They don’t have to hate each other…but their views, morals, expectations, wants, perspectives…it all changes and sometimes they don’t agree anymore. The problem, is that the more naive one always thinks their views are right. Usually, that is the person that hasn’t experienced the same depth of trauma or hardship as their friend.

Do we have different groups of friends and do we put them in different categories? Absolutely. Just because I can click with different sets of people, it doesn’t mean all my sets of friends are going to click and become friends also. When you grow up, you will realize, that not every one of your friends has to meet all your other friends. They won’t be “BFFS FOR EVA” (I just puked a little in my mouth). Life just doesn’t work that way. Why wouldn’t you want to take it upon yourself to realize that not everyone is compatible. I would never take my excessive drinking, sailor mouth, rowdy friends around my quiet, family oriented, church on Sundays, day time friends. Why would I do that?

I don’t care for one or the other more. I’m not ashamed of either group. But if they don’t mesh…well, they don’t mesh right?

So here’s the point and almost end of my rant. Stop judging people. If you don’t like what they do, don’t agree with what they do, or don’t want to be around what they do…just go your separate ways. Please for the love of everything that involves you keeping your teeth intact….please stop talking shit about people. Stop trying to change someone. Stop belittling them. Just stop interacting with them. What happened to people disagreeing without someone being wrong?

Accept your friend, your loved one, your friends with benefits, your family, spouse, whomever it may be….accept them for exactly the way they are. Come to terms with the fact that one day, you might not see eye to eye anymore. Love them, accept them, and stop trying to change them.

Written by Tammy Lee
September 22, 2016

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