You are the only excuse

Why do you ask?

Have you ever involuntarily did a reflection of the past 9 years of your life?

I just did.

I just spent the last 45 minutes going through my photo albums on social media that due to my ocd of organization, I separate year by year.

I critiqued my weight, my face, my (fake) smile, who was in the picture and who wasnt. In each picture I could see the smiles but remembered like it was yesterday, what was going on in my life at that moment. Those days and weeks that surrounded each photo.

I could tell you who had hurt me that month, who I had hurt, who let me down or disappointed me, who I lost. I could tell you the excuse I had for not working out or eating better. I could tell you who I missed and who I wanted to miss me.

I remember the pictures I removed from those albums because they were no longer in my life.

It made me sad. Not because they are no longer part of me but because I know the hopes and dreams I had at the point in my life. I thought life would be so much different right now than it is. I had a game plan. I knew what I would have when I was 28, 30, and what I would be reaching for when I was 35. What I would be celebrating at 40 and who with…that circle of family and friends that you thought were like blood but turned out to be water.

Then I realized. It was all excuses. In the moment it all seemed valid. The reasons I didn’t eat better or had slacked on meal planning or didn’t get in shape or didn’t visit home often. I had valid reasons at the time for keeping toxic people in my life, not letting someone go. But in the end…it is just fear. They are excuses.

Will my world change over night? No.

But starting now I do have to start changing my mentality.

Standards. Let’s raise the bar not only for myself but for the people I let in my life. Let’s raise the standard for the type of person, stranger, friend, potential lover, and human being I am.

Let’s be carefree but still considerate. Be wild but regal. Rowdy but professional. Country but sophisticated. I no longer have an excuse. I only have me.

Is it bad to want the best out of life? No. As long as it comes without judgement to someone else and what they do or do not have.

I deserve far more than I’ve given myself and it starts with allowing myself to get on track. Those goals I did or didn’t have at the time…it’s time to make those and achieve them.

It’s time to reevaluate. Are the people in my life making me a better person or making me feel bad? Are they applying support or pressure to change? Are they making their own lives better or playing piggyback to mine? Friend, family, or significant other…if they don’t make you want to be better…are they really good for you?

I dare you. Go through your photos. Find the moments behind the pictures. Remember the days and weeks and the months that surround them. Are you left sad, content, disgusted, or happy? Is there anything you still strive for?

If you have excuses, unmet goals, needs, or wants that haven’t been fulfilled the only excuse is yourself.

Change it.

Be the person you were dying to be when the picture was taken. Actually, be better than that. Work towards being great.