One of The Good Ones

She belonged with that mic and the guitar strings at her fingertips. She belonged right where she was in that café singing music that brought her peace even if her nerves were shaking her to her core. She belonged in her own skin, with her own thoughts, with the people that surrounded her. That listened to her. She was right where she belonged doing what brought her joy and peace and fulfillment.

I was recently provided the opportunity to be a part of a moment that while for the group may have been a normal night of supporting a loved one, it was a moment of appreciation of all those involved for me.

My family, my household, while I was growing up was supportive. My dreams, my aspirations, my needs, they were always met with support and an open mind.  This isn’t ramblings of a woman that saw what she wished she had when she was younger. I was actually able to sit back and see what I did have, through someone else, through all of them.

The confidence this young woman produced as she stood up there, putting every effort in to what she was doing and not letting fear stop her. A regret she will not have when she gets older. If she made any mistakes, her being never faltered. She never gave way and she never gave up. Did she miss a verse or a note? I have no idea. She started and she ended with a grace that I couldn’t stop watching.

She is humble.

As I listened to the lyrics of the songs she chose to sing, it was amazing to watch everyone else around me. The banter among everyone. The support that was provided and shared. Even the aggravation of being tired.

It felt like what family is.

I wasn’t aware that family could be a feeling until I met this group. The way every single one of them communicate (daily), they disagree, they put their feelings right out there in the open, and they mend what may be ailing someone. They put in the effort that we think family should just automatically provide. It isn’t automatic though, is it? No one is obligated to maintain a functional relationship with someone that they didn’t choose. Yet they do it. They do it because they are not obligated. They do it out of love and by choice.

They probably think they are dysfunctional as a family. Most of the good ones do. But not being normal doesn’t make you dysfunctional. It makes you amazing and it makes people want to be around you, it makes people want to be a part of it. They want to just soak in as much as they can get and hope that they don’t get in the way.

My own immediate family has had more than a few detrimental events occur in the last ten years. Unfortunately, we are not as large as we were once and we are not as strong. Relationships have failed and communication has been lost. But my family was like that once. Maybe that’s why I can recognize it so fondly.

The thing is, they have survived.

I am sure they have endured hardships, anger, loss, and tribulations that required space and healing. But they have also endured forgiveness, compassion, support, and love. Concern is always present but never drama. Input is always provided and accepted. Opinions are shared as well as laughs and tears. Ridicule is non-existent. Assistance is offered. Humbleness is found in all of them.

They haven’t just figured out how to be a family, they have figured out how to make it look easy even if it isn’t.

Tammy Lee
January 10, 2020

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